Do you know where your relationship is headed?

I was having a conversation with a very dear one today and as we discussed relationships and our friends, he said something that got my mind spinning. His friend, 35 years plus has been dating a guy for two years and she doesn’t know what his plans for her are. I was shocked and then it occurred to me that this scenario is not new to my ears. I have heard this many times before and about ladies who are over 30, have been dating for years, have no clue where the relationship is headed, and fear to ask because they don’t want to seem like they are pushing for marriage. It is totally unacceptable to find yourself in this predicament. Worse still, if you are 30 years and above you truly have no excuse. Why? It’s good you ask.

By the time you are 30, you have probably dated several people or have friends who have dated extensively and you should have learnt from all these collective experiences. You ought to know better than to waste time in ambiguity as there is a chance that your heart could get broken. Whatever reason you are dating, there should be clarity;

• Are you a fling?
• Are you a potential life partner?
• Are you just passing time?
• Are you friends with benefits?
• Are you just trying to get pregnant?

That way, no one can claim to have been duped or used and  you don’t waste your time building castles in the air. Often times, I find myself preferring the guy that is upfront about merely wanting a sexual relationship, at least you have the option to say yes or no with full knowledge and in good time. I read somewhere (Steve Harveys book) that by the time a guy asks you out, he already knows which category you fall into; potential wife or just fun. If you don’t know what he wants with you in two years time then you’re the problem and not him.

I will not commit myself to someone for two years without knowing where his mind is headed. As a matter of fact, I make it a point to ask within a month of dating “What do you want with me?, What are your intentions?” If that doesn’t work, I have a friend or sister that will ask the same question. It’s not really the answer that matters, it’s how sincere the answer seems and whether or not his response is in line with what I want from him. At that point, I can cut things before they go far and I also get an avenue to state my expectations that is, “I am only willing to start something that has the potential of ending in marriage, anything else and am not interested”. Its blunt, but that’s my style and I like it.

Or maybe he told you and you thought it would change? I once read somewhere that “If a man tells you the truth about himself, believe him”. Ladies, if this man tells you that he doesn’t know what he wants, or that he isn’t ready for a long term commitment, or he is just winging it for now, maybe he got hurt and is not sure if he wants to commit himself again, whatever he says, please believe him no matter how distasteful it sounds. What you really need to ask yourself is whether what he has said to you, is in line with what you want from him. Do you know what you want from him?

If what you want from him changes along the way, please let him know as he is not a mind reader. Whatever the case, please have regular clarity on why you are together.  It’s hard enough keeping a relationship going, I can’t imagine doing it without knowing where it’s headed.  Would you board a bus without knowing where it is going? Then why would you play this game with your heart?

If you know of such a case, please share what happened so we can learn from each other.

Phillipians 4: 12-13 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.