Someone asked me this question a the start of the year and it really boggled me. It is a simple but yet loaded question. I have rehearsed my responses of how my journey started and how i knew my husband was the one but i had never really asked myself why i got married.
The reality in my marriage is that my unspoken and spoken but not dealt with expectations, had created a level of discomfort that was causing the cynic in me to doubt the durability of the marriage. Yet when i really reflected, these things were not new, i knew them before we got married and i went ahead and did it anyway. So why did i get married?
So basically after 6 months, i was objectively able to respond to why i got married and it goes as follows
- It was what was expected of me
- I had a partner that i felt i could spend my life with
- I wanted a family of my own
- I was content/at peace with my partner
- I wanted financial partnership and future business prospects and i could get that with him
- I was looking for a positive influence to get me closer to God and Church
- I felt i was not complete or fulfilled on my own
- I wanted someone to have sex with without guilt
- I wanted someone who would love me and be with me no matter what
- I wanted passion and romance
As you can see, my reasons were all deeply selfish and mostly unrealistic as they do not necessarily take into account what he wants.
In essence, beyond my desires, the true question to ask is “What value can i add to my husband?”, What value do you add to your spouse? I tackle this question so as to be a better partner. I am grateful of the knowledge that i am with the person meant for me. And as i strive to transform my mindset to accommodate this newfound clarity, the question then becomes; How do i stay married?
To this end, my fellow coaches and i have come up with an introductory coaching session for people in serious relationships or in marriage who want to build strong and lasting relationships. Sign up below to experience this on 21st July 2018 from 9.00 am to 1pm at Destiny Life Coaching, Savelberg Retreat Centre in Kilimani. (http://www.dlc.co.ke/activate-your-love/ ) .
Megs' 