Megs'

I want to be kissed, to feel tender lips touch mine
inhale deeply as i abosrb the sentation, my heart beats
I want to be kissed, gentle lips carressing mine softly
I close my eyes, you hold me close and i am pleasure lost
I want to be kissed, lips parting mine, light tongue touch
moan ever so telling, touch my face, slight tremor, weak
I want to be kissed, my knees buckle, encased in you
mind blank, body flushed, endless moans, and only us.

I posted this in January, and here i find myself in the exact situation so i’ll just re-post.

I’m always drawn to you. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time passes, or what nonsense we put each other through. There is a force inside me that is all about you.

People always carelessly say that time heals all wounds but sometimes this is just a cop-out so that they don’t have to make the tough decisions for today. I should know, i am a master of running. The trouble is that not all wounds are meant to heal, some wounds are meant to be overcome and the scarring over time becomes a pleasant reminder of how much we overcame to be where we are. We did not run with the time excuse.

You see, sometimes someone leaves an imprint on you that time simply cannot erase. It doesn’t mean that you will not be happy, it just means that you always know that it could have been better.

People always also say that “you should learn from the mistakes of others”. trouble is that no one is perfect, and unfortunately some of us take time to mature in some areas. The painful lessons that we learn from experience, are usually the ones we are least likely to repeat and the ones that shape who we become. They are the most likely to help us extremely appreciate the blessings that we have and cling to them with our lives.

So as i acknowledge how much i am drawn to you, i also acknowledge that you may be one of those wounds that was never meant to heal and i do hope that the “time heal all wounds” cliche will at least prove to be true in my case for i do not appreciate a lifetime of thinking that it could have been better.

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that i don’t wallow for long. Am just not built that way. Long ago, while growing up, i learnt to accept that there are crappy things in life that i can do nothing about. The past is one such thing.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, that’s for sure but i prefer to think that the lesson learnt from those mistakes was by far more valuable than the cost of the mistake. I usually like to say that i’ll try anything at least once, and sure enough, this hasn’t failed me generally, there is always the one exception though, hence my regret.

You see, time shows you the good and the bad and it opens you to so many lives. I have learnt that people can be very very deceptive and all you can do is guard your heart and get to know them before you end up hurt. Even the people who seem really nice, can have very vile intentions or shocking secrets. It is with this knowledge that i regret a time in my past, out of naivety, immaturity and sheer foolishness, when i was such a person.

No one deserves that kind of hurt, no one deserves to be deceived, let alone a really good person with the best of intentions and the highest trust. Am not one for wallowing or living in my past but truth be told, i am  haunted. You see, i like to believe that am a really nice person, i do, and i guess i am. I also like to believe that am an honest person, and i guess am that too. More recently, am also a wiser person and it is with this growing wisdom that i regret.

There is no sorry that can ever be enough, nothing i can do that would bring any reprieve. I pray, i pray that you will be happy. I pray that the scar is healed and as i pray, i dream, and in my dreams, you have bounty and you are blessed and i hope that it comes to pass that such a fate should be yours. I pray that i shall never again be the kind of deceitful, selfish person that i was then and that naivety, foolishness and immaturity of that nature shall never again be mine. I pray that regret will eventually leave my side and if it doesn’t, then i pray that it will always steer me in the right direction.

All it takes is one ill-timed, ill-suited gentleman to wind up in a mess
A mess of raw emotions that you just recently subdued about before
Before when you swore that you wouldn’t find yourself susceptible
Susceptible to that beautiful smile, the warm hug and all the laughs
Laughs that flow naturally even at a fleeting thought of his warmth
Warmth that he gives so casually and carelessly without reprieve
Reprieve because it isn’t our time, no it’s their time, can’t he see?
See the anguish he dooms us to in a time to come, a time of tears
Tears of separation, of loss, of heartbreak, of falling to weakness
Weakness of the flesh, of the mind, of emotions, hope, and letting go
Letting go of love, pleasure, happiness and joy for a compromise
Compromise of passion, of talks, of now, of us and our ill-fated future
Future that can never be, for long before i came, there was a choice
Choice of a life, a hope, a family. A constant that holds true to now
Now ,with an ill-timed encounter, an ill-suited gentleman and a mess.

There is nothing i can say that would capture the essence of the lost

if only for a time, we were, and you were mine and i yours, for a little.

There are no words for loss, no words big enough, for the hollowness

A hollow ache, a hunger that gnaws at my innards calling your name

Just as i would whisper it in disbelief, when we were, for a time past

Wow, there were no words, for the overwhelmed state i was in then

Wow was the word i used to describe how my being was with you

For there were no other words nearly big enough to capture you then

And there she was, large and real, come to steal my brief wordlessness

Come to reclaim her rightful throne at your right hand, no words i say!

There is nothing that i can say that would capture the sense of loss

Nothing i can do, no words comforting enough and no tears strong enough.

 

I’m waiting,
for you to call
for you to arrive
for you to prove it
for you to surprise me
for you to come back
for you to value us
for you to choose
for you to forgive

I’m waiting
to forgive
to move on
to love
to heal
to be excited
to want more
to need you

I’m waiting, story of my life.

Am sitting here missing you but am way too proud to let on
you see am trying to prove a point that always is pointless
am strong you know, i can withstand the separation again
fori’ve become accustomed to saying goodbye to riffraff
or have i become the riffraff people say goodbye to now?
Idle thoughts like these run through my mind aggressively
as i miss your scent, your warm hug and your strength
I look at my phone and will it to to send text to you my dear
for you see, am way too stubborn and a little bit of a chicken
i suffer, i hunger, i need, i want and i yearn but am proud
Sleep well my dear and hope that my face plagues your mind

When you develop a taste for someone…..
all others fade into a bland lifelessness
desires become synonymous with him
moments of time wasted in his thoughts
time passes leaving a trail of him

When you develop a taste for someone
you can feel his kiss as you do a report
his warm big hand gently on your breast
and when the cold sets in, dare i say it!
when it sets in, you can feel all of him

When you develop a taste for someone
you take afternoons to write poetry
little sentences to appease your inability
for these are the things he shouldnt know
these things that lead to entanglement

these are the things i so deeply experience
…when i’ve developed a taste for you.

The Sanguine personality is affected by chemical called dopamine, which makes these people intensely curious and creative. Their curiosity can be expressed in their love for reading and different kinds of knowledge and they usually possess high amounts of energy, so they may seem restless and spontaneous.

The Luxurious Lifestyle
This type of personality loves the life of luxury; they like to impress others by their expensive clothes, designer accessories and sport cars. If choleric people thrive on money-making process itself, sanguine people know how to enjoy money, luxury and comfort like nobody else.

They are big spenders and when given the ability to have anything they want, they will travel the world staying in splendid hotels, enjoying exciting safaris and luxury cruises; deriving full happiness and pleasure from their wealth.

They will indulge in their rich, comfortable and sumptuous living effectively ignoring world problems and crises.

The Risk Takers
The Sanguine personalities out there are willing to take risks for the sake of pursuit of their numerous interests. These people feel bored if they are not absorbed by something intriguing and their constant cravings for adventure and novelty are the major motivating force behind their actions, decisions and choices.

People with Sanguine personality adapt easily and generally can play many roles – buoyant, lively and optimistic, and they have the ability to absolutely charm the pants off anyone that seeks their attention. Their need for variety and luxury explains why they prefer to live in big cities where they can satisfy their desires much easier.

The Boredom Busters!
Sanguine people are very poor at tolerating boredom. Routine jobs, repetitive experiences and boring companions annoy and irritate them, and for the most part, they will try to avoid routine and monotony at all costs. In actual fact, they love and thrive on interruptions because they get energized during these small changes in course.

These people are impulsive and they will often find it difficult to control their cravings and may struggle with weight. More than any other types of personality, this temperament is more susceptible to smoking, alcohol, drugs, gambling and risky sex. Their spontaneity reflects in last-minute plans and moments of intellectual discovery.

Sanguine people are usually more creative than other types, be it poetry, music, theater, art, business or cooking. Sadly, they are also most susceptible to chemical imbalances, addictions and mood disorders.

This personality type is characterized by curiosity and having a wide range of interests. They seem to be hungry for knowledge – some of them are walking encyclopedias, while some others visit almost every known country in the world. Many stay in school years and years after their peers have graduated. They will do almost anything to satisfy their always present need to be absorbed by something meaningful and exciting, and they will often end up having several degrees.

The Dopamine Course!
Dopamine activity promotes motivation and goal-oriented behavior, as well as enthusiasm, focus, assertiveness, incentive and drive to achieve. However, sanguine people are so busy with their numerous interests that they will procrastinate completing their tasks, they are just too busy to think about deadlines and actually finishing one task before going ahead to begin another.

These people are very autonomous and unconventional. They trust their impulses and take risks. Their motto is: “Nothing ventured, nothing gained”. They launch into projects that seem sure to fail but somehow always manage to win big!

People with Sanguine personalities are extreme optimists who make it their job to seek joy and find a way to be happy. These are sensation seekers that derive pleasure from highly arousing experiences and it could almost be stated that they “drink life” and enjoy it to the fullest.
http://www.askwomennet.com/sanguine-personality.html

I look at this thing that beats in me in disbelief
the betrayal caused cannot beget forgiveness
treacherous instrument that gives unrestrained
to he, he that has proved unattainable in time
he that has proved unpredictable,uncontrollable

Treacherous unforgiveable little nightmare here
What shall become of me now?What future now?
to be roped to one so fulfilled, he with seeds
to be roped to one so tried, he with the hurts
to be roped to one so reluctant, he with caution

This thing that beats in me defies minds reason
Tis mere advice the brain cells conclude, ignored.
This thing that beats always, calls for him only
This thing wants his touch, kisses and even love
This thing even secretly, stupidly wants his child

Woooooi, aagh! what shall become of me now?
for this betrayal is too heavy with sentimentality,
I fear i posses no willpower strong enough to alter
This beast shan’t be overcome by my mere might
Beating merrily, i stare at it in disbelief dismayed.