Megs'

Do you find yourself dating the same kind of person over and over again?

My very good pal, who i hope wont mind me talking about her life, has been having a nasty string of men.

• They first start by lying about their availability
• Are very quick to talk about marrying her -typically within 2 to 4 weeks of dating and
• Want to meet her family within 3 months
• Very comfortable at her house, spending nights and showing up uninvited
• Also very quick to offer to have children with her often within a month of dating 
• They value her intelligence and claim she is the ideal woman they would hope to spend their lives with
• Do not contribute to household expenses but are willing to do so if prompted

It usually turns out to be that they are married. I think they try to impregnate her before she discovers their marital status so she can have no escape route.  For some odd reason, she forgives the lie since she has already developed feelings and especially since they claim to be unhappy with the marriage.  In order for you to get the full picture, you must see my pal for who she is. She is the ideal wife. The woman who doesn’t mind cooking and cleaning, who will iron your clothes and clean your shoes and pick out your next day outfit. She treats her boyfriend like a king and any man dating her would have a hard time leaving since she loves with her actions. She is an absolute nurturer and on top of that she has a successful career. She is also a fool that needs to know her worth.

I know its harsh to say that but the reality is that our lives are a reflection of the choices we make. She wants a man of her own who will treasure her for who she is and who will be hers alone. Don’t we all? In this case, a change of behaviour needs to come upon her since she is susceptible to these type of people.  There are always signs and we must open our eyes and silence our hearts in order to see them

• If your man is in too great a rush to commit a lifetime and is not taking the time to enjoy the first 3 months of getting to know each other, then you need to investigate why. Is it a wife, girlfriend, family pressure to wed? Either way, this man is not with you for who you are but maybe for what you represent.
• If you’ve never been to his house, that is a red flag most men are comfortable at their house and not yours.
• Have you met his siblings or friends? If not, absolute red flag, its really easy to meet each others friends within 3 months without really trying unless you are hiding something.
• Does he have a baby mama? Extreme red flag because she just might be a wife
• Are you meeting in your house more than actual dating from the beginning? Why aren’t you out in public?
• Are there calls he doesn’t pick when he’s with you? Are there certain times he doesn’t answer your calls and takes a long time to call back e.g overnight?
• Do you only see him when its convenient for him?
• Have you caught him in any lie? Remember the first 3 months are still in the bliss stage of a relationship. Lies should not feature.
• Most importantly, please keep the cookie in the cookie jar. I cannot undervalue Steve Harveys’ advise on the 3 month rule.

To quote “Think Like a man, Act like a lady”, these things happen to her because she allows them to. If you truly value yourself, you will take your time with your heart and you will keep your eyes and your heart closed until the trust is earned.The kind of woman she is should never be exposed to an undeserving person because he will obviously cling to it and try to hold on no matter what. That breed of woman is rare and under the wrong circumstances risks becoming a convenience. The first time it happens is forgiveable since no one sets out to be deceived but the times that make it a cycle are really her responsibility especially since the end result is always the same. Her left with a broken heart. 

Do you know more signs to tell if the man or woman is a possible skunk? Please share…..

 

Proverbs 4.23 Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.

 

 

I was having a conversation with a very dear one today and as we discussed relationships and our friends, he said something that got my mind spinning. His friend, 35 years plus has been dating a guy for two years and she doesn’t know what his plans for her are. I was shocked and then it occurred to me that this scenario is not new to my ears. I have heard this many times before and about ladies who are over 30, have been dating for years, have no clue where the relationship is headed, and fear to ask because they don’t want to seem like they are pushing for marriage. It is totally unacceptable to find yourself in this predicament. Worse still, if you are 30 years and above you truly have no excuse. Why? It’s good you ask.

By the time you are 30, you have probably dated several people or have friends who have dated extensively and you should have learnt from all these collective experiences. You ought to know better than to waste time in ambiguity as there is a chance that your heart could get broken. Whatever reason you are dating, there should be clarity;

• Are you a fling?
• Are you a potential life partner?
• Are you just passing time?
• Are you friends with benefits?
• Are you just trying to get pregnant?

That way, no one can claim to have been duped or used and  you don’t waste your time building castles in the air. Often times, I find myself preferring the guy that is upfront about merely wanting a sexual relationship, at least you have the option to say yes or no with full knowledge and in good time. I read somewhere (Steve Harveys book) that by the time a guy asks you out, he already knows which category you fall into; potential wife or just fun. If you don’t know what he wants with you in two years time then you’re the problem and not him.

I will not commit myself to someone for two years without knowing where his mind is headed. As a matter of fact, I make it a point to ask within a month of dating “What do you want with me?, What are your intentions?” If that doesn’t work, I have a friend or sister that will ask the same question. It’s not really the answer that matters, it’s how sincere the answer seems and whether or not his response is in line with what I want from him. At that point, I can cut things before they go far and I also get an avenue to state my expectations that is, “I am only willing to start something that has the potential of ending in marriage, anything else and am not interested”. Its blunt, but that’s my style and I like it.

Or maybe he told you and you thought it would change? I once read somewhere that “If a man tells you the truth about himself, believe him”. Ladies, if this man tells you that he doesn’t know what he wants, or that he isn’t ready for a long term commitment, or he is just winging it for now, maybe he got hurt and is not sure if he wants to commit himself again, whatever he says, please believe him no matter how distasteful it sounds. What you really need to ask yourself is whether what he has said to you, is in line with what you want from him. Do you know what you want from him?

If what you want from him changes along the way, please let him know as he is not a mind reader. Whatever the case, please have regular clarity on why you are together.  It’s hard enough keeping a relationship going, I can’t imagine doing it without knowing where it’s headed.  Would you board a bus without knowing where it is going? Then why would you play this game with your heart?

 

If you know of such a case, please share what happened so we can learn from each other.

 

Phillipians 4: 12-13 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

A long long time ago, a close family friend asked me if we could start going out. I was skeptical because i had never really thought of us in a romantic way but i agreed to it. We started hanging out at his office and basically at home. Nothing serious though.

About a week later, i was in kind of a bind because as part of the caravan sales i was working on, i had gotten late to return to Nairobi from Tala and i found myself at 11pm in Nairobi Town, those days i lived in Wanyee and it was not safe to walk around at such an hour. Also, my earnings were meagre and i could not afford a taxi home. I called my brother so we could go home together and luckily, he was in town at Club Soundd. I went to meet him. Incidentally, he was with the aforesaid pal, he with his date and Pal with his x-girlfriend. I was too tired to fuss about anything and just waited for them until they were ready to leave.

Shock of all shock, all five of us ended up at our house and the four of them holed up in my brothers room. Needless to say, the romance that had been starting up was OVER!

The next day, as i mused over the situation it occured to me that THE ONE HE CHOOSES TO PROTECT is really the important one. That night, my Pal had no regard for my feelings and had not shown his x that he was trying to date me, he had instead chosen to carry on with her. This lesson served me very well for many years even with my friends and their relationships.

Here is how to apply it.

• Are you dating someone who has an Ex that is very a very close friend to him? or
• Does your boyfriend have a current girlfriend that he has promised to dump? or
• Does he have a wife whom he claims is no good and that he isn’t happy with her?

If you know all about her and she knows nothing about you, then he is protecting her and therefore she is the important one and not you. He doesn’t mind hurting your feelings by talking to you about her but cannot bear to hurt her by telling her about you. She is the one he cannot loose. So now you know.

Psalms 2:20 Save me, Lord, from lying lips and from deceitful tongues.

 

Today is one of those days that I really hate my job. I spend so much time filling the same templates and looking at the same information from different angles. Its still the same information!
In the end, I feel like am doing so much and achieving nothing. My desire to return tomorrow to fill templates is extremely minimal.
I am a girl of action, I like to see things happening, ideally, to see the work of my hands.
Powerpoint templates that say the same thing should not be done 10 times in 3 months. We are always planning. At what point do we start to action?
Sigh…just had to get it out. Back to my templates.

Later…

There is a lot that goes into building character over time and we must not let our character and actions be influenced in the negative especially by others. Breaking family bonds is not something to do lightly nor should it be attempted as that path cannot possibly hold blessings for the parties involved. The wounds created by such acts are life long and extremely painful. It is a lot to forgive or be forgiven of. It is a haunting burden of the heart. That’s why no matter how much people rival,they do not spit out their family like street dogs. The room to be there for each other and wish each other well,no matter how grudgingly or bitterly must always surpass the desire to spit them out. That is the essence of family. That is how I was raised.

I tried to resist, even though it wasn’t evident at the time,
that was in the begininning when i began to read this book
it didnt look like a particularly interesting book on face value
A nice book i thought, but captivating, i severely doubted it
I had gotten bored of reading promising but disapponting books
and i approached it half heartedly and waited until it jumped at me
and that was the beginning of the exciting journey that am on
i couldn’t foresee just how enthralling the book would be
that i would be slave to it, compelled to read it day by day
never ever putting it down, i carry it with me everywhere
I read it at night and wake up to it, sneak reads during the day
This book i tell you is a wonder. I hope it never comes to an end.
and even as i turn one chapter, in my mind the pages increase
perhaps they do so in hope, who would want to stop reading afterall?

Am staring blankly at my laptop screen, lost in my thoughts of us
All I see is his hand on the back of my back as we cross the road
The way he stares at me like am precious, a lady of true worth
I’m drifting into the land of remember, as I begin to feel it gnawing
Yes it is, inklings of the L word starting to make their way to the surface
He stares and laughs so heartily, his whole face just smiles, I always blush
He holds me like am his, I can’t help feeling that I am, no matter how soon
I am completely exposed and at his mercy, a little scared but excited
He likes to touch my face, and play with my hair, I like his one grey hair
His kiss is ever so gentle, I get so so lost in it, can’t remember to breath
And then there’s time, it never is enough when we’re together

I’m on a free fall, endless into a dark void
I see your face as i scream, you pushed me
Unexpectedly, the last person i saw was you
How could my lifesaver be my murder instrument
The darkness is closing around me,eyes shutting
I feel myself welcoming it, in surrender
What more is there? What more is there?
Is it all not gone? Are you not gone?
Let the darkness come, the thud is about
Splat! is what i feel.Splat! I’ve become
The darkness caress me now, hope resigned
Unbalanced, am i even trying to clutch anything?
Its not a game, dry your eyes! Splat!Splat!
I convulse, my being is shaking, darkness
So imminent now,the splat, is there tomorrow
This dastard never ending free fall. Scream.