Author: Meg

So here are my observations about this place
The language is spoken loudly and aggressively. You just have to shout. Pidgin English is spoken even by office staff when they are conversing with each other. It can barely be understood.

The food is whack! How they mix fish with other meat and put it in green veggies is off and to make matters worse, it tastes smoky and has too much chilli. The KFC junk food was delightful though. Oh and their fruits and veggies somehow seem to have more taste.

The driving just as in Kenya is fast and aggressive. Though i must admit that compared to Nairobi Matatus, its pretty timid.

Lagos is full of houses. So many houses, further than you can see. So many people live here. This was among the first observations i made from above. Wow! They dont joke when they say the population here is crazy.

And the cars!! Dont get me started! The cars are left hand drive and so are the roads. The most amazing thing is that vehicles are generally big and shiny and the latest model. I am yet to see a Vitz, IST or Demio. This is the land of Camry, Corolla, Hyundai, Honda etc and if you’re in Kenya, i kid you not, you are yet to see the models driven here.

The people seem more hospitable. They take their time to greet you properly. “How are you today?” “Did you sleep well?” “Is this your first time here” etc etc, they generally take the time to make polite conversation.

Ladies sell unbranded, unwrapped bread on the streets. They have a bunch of loaves in clear bags and people simply come up and buy and its wrapped in black bags. Very very odd.

The people seem healthy. This is not a poor country.I am yet to see a skinny Nigerian.
Football is an obssession, but that seems to be the order of the day everywhere.

Am in a hotel room that is just lovely and is bigger than my house back home. New challenge. Move and redecorate. This comfort is not hard to achieve if i put my mind to it. Now that i’ve tasted this life, i can’t go back.

Lastly, the weather is warm and humid. I actually prefer this to Mombasa, for some reason its a bit more bearable.

Ha ha…and because am me…today i laid my eyes on a true fine-ass Nigerian brother. He looked like he walked out of a romance movie. So handsome. If only he hadn’t kept prattling on about how his kids had inconvenienced his football watching, i may have managed to form a steamy fantasy.

Thats all…later

My dear, i hope that one day you will learn to forgive me and perhaps even forget and rebuild your life. In as much as i am remorseful, i do not like swimming in the stench of my mistakes and i am thus forced to abandon my quest to befriend you. You see, i now know that for as long as we meet, it shall always be there, stinking up the atmosphere for you felt soiled and that i totally understand. What i need for you to understand is that for as long as i have suffered, i have learnt my lessons and i have overcome my pain and feel stronger and wiser to move on in love, in life and in happiness. I cannot do that if my past shadows me everyday.

I remember the man you were, a kind and generous soul full of trust. An exquisite gentleman with very good manners. No, am not idealizing you, you were still a stubborn ass even back then but the good far outshone the bad. I hope that you can one day find your way back to that man because he was amazing. I should have treasured him more but our time is past.

I am not that quick squeeze that you can take to bed, it pains that you would think of me that way. I have my esteem, self confidence and self worth high up there. I would not now lower myself in this manner for anyone, not even you. I’m sorry that these are the lessons that i’ve learnt but you know its true.

I pray for you and i wish you the best. Lets meet next time, when you have a toddler on your arm, that looks exactly like you.

I’m imagining your soft pink lips on mine and as i do, i close my eyes and feel your warm breath on my cheek. I inhale loosing myself in your scent, in your proximity in your effect on me.
I imagine how your touch would feel on my face, slightly tilting my chin upwards closer to those bloody soft lips, how your finger would trail my neck. I am utterly aroused,just thinking about it.
I imagine how softly you would kiss me even as your hand found the small of my back and pulled me closer,even as the other hand held the back of my neck, i think i’d be lost only in desire.
I snap out of it, breathing faster, face flushed, heart racing, blushing and feeling a bit embarrassed to be so caught up in fantasy especially thus far i have come as i almost moaned softly.

I open my eyes, face the computer , the report won’t finish itself!

I’m in the cycle,eyes wide open
Heart shut, mind in control
Getting past another trial
This is the cycle of recovery

I’m in the cycle,feeling pretty
Drawing the wrong kind
Committed with loved ones
Someone’s cycle of lust

Am in that trying cycle
My words fail, uninspired
Hollow mind, tasteless rhyme
Cycle of writing 

i’ve got the magic in me…words to live by.

I’ve recently been assisting some of my colleagues to modify their CV’s and it surprised me just how much we undervalue the skills we have because
…we don’t have the right papers
…we don’t have the proper confidence
…we don’t have positions of authority
…we don’t have the right grammar or
…we didn’t take the time to do the CV right

Many people spend so much of their lives accepting less simply because they do not value their own skills. If they did, they would realise that those skills are probably worth more elsewhere if the current place fails you. of-course there are risks associated with making a leap to new employment but it can either go bad or good. An optimist like me always hopes for better and so far…can’t complain.

I live with one motto, i work with my whole heart, learn as much as i can, accept diverse tasks,develop others, communicate well and respect the people i work with. Hopefully one day, even if i don’t get filthy stinking rich, i will have helped people and become the best person that i can be.

Cheers!! To continuous improvement.

Am so very mad, for so many months i couldnt see
How i had stuck myself to a real shit of a man
I loved him, i really did, and hoped for a future
He never valued my time, i spent it waiting for him
He didn’t value my touch, i often slept on my own
He didn’t value my earnings, i often felt strained
He didn’t value being with me, never prioritised me
He did not know how to love and take care of me
I think he didnt even know how to love himself
He was all about his work, books and investments
I hope they cook for him and keep him warm at night
He could not spare me 10 minutes a day to chat
I was so damn lonely and mad, but loved him still
For every once in a while, he would hug me tight
and in that hug, all my sorrows would dissipate
in that hug, all i felt was love no anger, just bliss
with time he also forgot how to do that eventually.
I left, albeit half heartedly and began my life alone
Discovering soon many more shits like that existed
Only this time, i was cautious and did my weeding
This time, i was flattened, like a balloon popped
the thrill of love long gone, its desire very faint
this time, i swore that i would pick much wisely
A man with character, a man with principles
A man who knows his place in the relationship
A lead, thats what a man is, a pillar of strength
A man who will be a good father to our children
Taking the time to teach, play and nurture them
He will love me easily, freely and generously
This time, i better not wind up with a shit like you

I love this man, i think i do even as i try to deny
he is simple and funny and makes me laugh
and naughty with some wholesome baggage
he is what you would term as addictive, sweet
he is generous, keen, and takes care of me
he makes me feel like i matter, am awesome
he makes me feel so very cherished, loved
are we ever serious? i doubt that we are
and yet, we do talk about our lives as we joke
We always joke and we usually always laugh
Its important to be happy, am getting there
I like to think that am a ray of sunshine too
he makes me feel awesome, he is awesome

I have no memory of the events that transpired between 6.00pm Friday 26th October evening to 3.14 pm Saturday 27th october afternoon. Its terrifying to be unsafe in your own home but that’s exactly what happened. My roomie and i were eating our dinner, watching TV and ended up spending the night unconscious on my bed, we could not even make it to work in the morning and barely managed to send apologies. I will attempt to reconstruct the story…

Friday evening- we are watching TV and eating, my cleaning lady comes and i give her all my washing
Later- am staggering across the corridor

Later- am on my bed, my roomie comes in to ask if am feeling ok cos she isnt, she sleeps on my bed with me

The next day almost 10.00am- did not even hear the alarm, am talking to my roomie about work, we both manage to send out a text intending to apologise for not showing up

Later- the cleaning lady keeps calling, she wants to be paid
Later- I stagger and open the door for the cleaning lady
Later – My pal calls, we agree that he’ll come cook for me
3.30-4 ish- My pal and her pal come and rescue us, we are still dizzy and staggering.

Looking at my call records, i spoke to the cleaning lady at least 3-4 times, i spoke to my workmate, i spoke to my pal 2-3 times and to my mum later in the evening. I have no memory of what was said in these conversations.

Nothing was taken from our house and no harm other than the poisoning/drugging came to us. I have bad dreams about this incident and i feel scared to be home.

Your eyes shifted continuously as you spewed your lies
That am the kind of person you could spend with forever
am lovable and you love me, but we cant be for right now
Shifty eyes that tell another truth, of empty words, empty
Do you need to placate me? My conscience is clear
Am i not free? You dont need to convince me at all
Not with empty words and those darn shifty eyes
For the truth lives in your heart, those eyes tell it all.
She lives in your heart, empty words cannot veil this

My heart is free, and eager and willing immediately
I have done my time, it no longer beats for him now
there is no need to placate me, for i see through it
Take your time, heal, and learn to accept your now
The time will come when your heart is finally ready
Am certain that when it is, i will be nowhere in sight
but, fear not, there will be someone, there always is.
No need to placate me with your shifty eyes today
Is it not your heart that struggles and that suffers?
Neither my mind, nor my heart can accept these lies

I think of you and it contracts fast
Days like this,it will be quite hard
I think of you, willing myself to call
its hard, i know i shan’t, can’t, won’t
I fantasize and take in deep breaths
sweat, skin, hands, motion, all raw
I take in deep breaths, steel myself
days like these, temptation beckons.