Author: Meg

Not in a shy little girl way but in a woman who knows what she wants and has got it

I love him in a way that understands our partnership is for keeps and respects it

That honours his place in my life and recognises that I am better for having him

In a smothering way that is hard to explain and often is just touchy and clingy

In an unashamed way in its completeness and rawness and hope for the future

I love that he doesn’t mind my quirks and doesn’t seem cowed when am needy

In an accepting way that appreciates who he is and just wants him to be happy

I love the man he is and the man he wants to be, I love who I am with him.

Anyone will tell you that planning a wedding is no mean fete. The only relief would be to have non-fussy parents and relatives, awesome friends and a relaxed attitude to the whole affair.

The truths revealed at such time are a true testament to “a friend in need is a friend indeed”.

Who your true friends are.

Let’s face it, we all hate to contribute financially at weddings. The first thought is that the couple ought to plan themselves better. However, the reality is that you don’t contribute for the couple. You contribute for yours and others’ fanfare on the day. Imagine if your closest friend decided to get married and the couple had a tiny wedding at the attorney general’s office just by themselves and moved on with their lives and told you later. Would you feel left out or happy for them? Do you think their family would be happy or would feel unimportant and ignored and angry? Weddings exist for family and friends and not just for the couple. Society has created an expectation that we need to celebrate the union and therefore the couple is under pressure to either oblige or opt to damage relationships. It therefore should be a no-brainer that the first thing you should do for your friends is offer monetary support.

What kind of giving are people willing to make on your behalf?

Don’t be surprised if the people whom you count on the most are the least willing to take on any tasks towards the success in your wedding. Be ready for the pleasant surprise when you get unexpected people offering their time, effort and money towards your day. People give differently and you ought to open your mind to accommodate this and be aware of those who do not give.

Which friends exist for good times only

They will show up for the wedding, dance and have a good time but will play no part in making it happen. That is, they won’t contribute monetarily and definitely won’t show up for any committee meeting or take up any tasks on the day.

Relatives and friends to avoid

I don’t believe relatives and close friends need special invitation cards to weddings and yet, there are those who will feel affronted if you do not perform for them at this level. They create theatrics around your day just to make things difficult. You must buy them clothes, must hire a bus, give them time to say something etc  and yet, if you really think about it, your relatives and friends should be the most supportive and giving because they know you and have a longer lasting relationship to maintain. They should be the first to sympathize with the financial and mental weight of the day and not the cause of stress. Best believe that if they stress you at this time, they always will. Do your best to avoid them.

How people rank you in their lives

Don’t be surprised to discover that you are not your best friends’ best friend. You may have showed up at his/her wedding and chaired the committee only to discover that on your day, they can’t spare the effort and time. I think the most surprising are those that do not show up and do not apologize or excuse themselves. I really take that as a cue to exit the friendship. After all, how many more once in a lifetime days do you really get?

For the last 4 years, I have helped a number of people make their CVs and coached them through the interview process to showcase the best parts of themselves. From how to go through the education life exhibiting bits of passion and interest in what you were doing all the while telling the story with a flow and a purpose to the choices made. Ultimately, expressing strengths, weaknesses and victories at the workplace with clarity and conviction. I believe that this has helped them to progress to their greener pastures.

In my mind, an interviewer is a person just like me and nobody likes to get bored for 30 minutes to 1 hour if they can avoid it. We are all emotional creatures and we do get drawn to the most interesting, exciting and “together” candidate. For this to happen, the candidate needs to know what they intend to showcase beforehand and practice… practice….practice. The more you practice, the easier the story rolls off your tongue and the more confident you are.

I also believe that you never lie on your CV or in an interview. You will definitely get caught. If you get caught during the interview, you are lucky because all you suffer is not getting the job and can carry on with whatever you were doing, however, if you get caught when you have landed the job, then you will get fired and this leaves you unemployed and with a tarnished reputation and fewer references. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, you will get caught.

I have found that most people (myself included) tend to undervalue themselves. They neither see their true potential nor the value of the experience that they have. This is what causes many outstanding people to feel “stuck” at their current job.

• They fail to aim higher, for instance, people tend to apply for a role similar to what they have in a different organization that pays slightly more. My challenge to them is that they should be searching for the role ranked higher than the one they have. If you are dissatisfied with the role you have now, you will surely be dissatisfied with the role in a different organization. The work tends to be the same and people are generally similar in the way they behave at work. You might escape your current ill-tempered boss just to find a similar version where you go.
• They are averse to risk, they feel that they could do more but are just afraid to venture into the world and try. Fear of a new environment, fear of failure and just change resistance.
• They fail to realize that people in leadership positions went to the same schools, studied the same courses and have similar upbringing to themselves. So why not you? Note that I stick to employment, people who own successful businesses are a whole different psychology for another day.

The real differences in people in employment stem from self-confidence, self- belief, appetite for leadership and work, ambition, desire for new challenges and desire to learn. Let’s be honest, anytime you move jobs, you have to be willing to be taught and self-teach to survive probation.

No one joins a new organization knowing much about it, you have to learn practically everything from their processes, their culture, where to find things, product attributes, information sources, new friendships and so much more. Your previous experience just helps to absorb and understand this information quicker and therefore perform at your job faster. In cases where your experience and exposure is more advanced, it helps you to provide improvement initiatives a.k.a become a superstar.

For years, I have provided this sort of information effortlessly expecting nothing and have watched people grow and get better jobs because of it. It is odd how we pay little attention to the small things that we do to help others without realizing that we are undervaluing our potential. So for now, I am ready to step up and stop undervaluing myself. I am ready to do more for more people because I realize that am good at it and can impact more peoples’ lives for the better.

If you need help or know someone who needs help finding employment, give me a call and I will do my best to walk with that person through their journey. Only this time, I might charge a nominal fee.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I have carried you with me, as though we were always meant to be as close as we once were. Unfortunately, the wisdom of time has come to me and I realise that its time to let go.

I will be the first to admit that you are greatly disadvantaged to have me as a friend. I say this because God has blessed me with an abundance of sisters who are ever so close and therefore are effortlessly my best friends. This of course means that I have to work at my friendships and also have friends who are not emotionally needy as I may not be able to provide as required.

I have had friends and relatives who for a time were the best and closest ever had, but over time, we both found other more pressing things to attend to and soon fell out of contact and out of relevance. Although it hurts to admit it, it is far easier than to occasionally have a twinge of guilt every few months for not having called or kept up with each other.

I have always lived by the words “I don’t do one sided friendships” and what that means to me is that

• As long as we both put the effort and keep up with each other then its okay. If we both keep quiet, when one calls, I expect the conversation to go like “Hi dear, its been so long since we spoke, hope you are doing great” and not like “My dear, you don’t call me anymore?” as if the onus of calling lies on one party.
• You don’t only call when you need something. Its enough to just say hello.
• I don’t have to guess what is on your mind, you actually speak it out even when you feel that I may have hurt you.
• You have the maturity, security and wisdom to know your place in my life and not to second guess every action I do or don’t do.
• Friendship means being relevant and there for someone, if you can go through hardship, good times and life altering events without including me, then we just aren’t close.
• Friendship also means setting aside our pride. It doesn’t matter who called who last. In a real and relevant friendship, people don’t notice such things.

I hate to lose friends and it hurts to do so but the reality is that people are only as relevant in your life as they choose to be and often times, its easier for those in close proximity to us to play more relevant roles as they are conveniently available. When we have to work at it, that’s when the true test of friendship is felt.

So for all who feel let down by others, I urge you to look in the mirror and own your 50% part of it, shrug it off and move on and be happy. There will always be people in your life, and only time reveals their longevity or relevance.

Luke 11:5 – Then, teaching them more about prayer, he used this story: “Suppose you went to a friend’s house at midnight, wanting to borrow three loaves of bread. You say to him, ⁶ ‘A friend of mine has just arrived for a visit, and I have nothing for him to eat.’ ⁷ And suppose he calls out from his bedroom, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is locked for the night, and my family and I are all in bed. I can’t help you.’ ⁸ But I tell you this—though he won’t do it for friendship’s sake, if you keep knocking long enough, he will get up and give you whatever you need because of your shameless persistence.^[

“

This post is long overdue, it will chronicle the last two years of my life, my life of extraordinary favour.

You see, three years ago, mid 2012, I was in a job I enjoyed but I felt that it had no room for vertical growth and also the lessons I was learning seemed less and less as the months wore on. I was immensely uncomfortable with my pay. At the time, I was living in Donholm. The stretch to the bus stop was quite muddy when it rained and I remember pitying myself as I walked through the mud to go to work and then wash my shoes when I got to work yet all this time, I was being referred to as a “department head”. I couldn’t help but feel like there was more to be offered. I was turning 30, with no boyfriend, no car, no travels and feeling less accomplished than I had hoped. I decided to gift myself a vehicle (that I couldn’t afford) for my 30th birthday and so I joined a Sacco and started saving. I also started job hunting as I resolved to get a bigger salary to support my car dream. That’s how in Feb of 2013, I found myself at PZ Cussons.

While there, I did get to experience all that I had hoped for in terms of marketing exposure and experience, travel and yes, I got my car. I called it my baby, my little dark grey Demio. I also got double of my salary and could afford the expenses that came with the car. It was while I was there that I met him. He had a quiet way about him and courted me from a distance. He took his time to befriend me and chatted me up while i was on my trips, he eventually asked me on a date and thus began our journey together. I was not a church goer at the time and only began attending church when we started dating. Its one of those things I would hope to do and never did on my own. It was easier to do it with him and definitely has proved to be worthwhile.

I got born again in July of 2013, I started tithing regularly from never tithing, to attending church on all Sundays. Our love also bloomed and five months into the relationship we had started making wedding plans. This of-course presented a crisis as we were both in the same organisation. However, God does open doors and I got a chance to work at Nestle and moved. We continued with our plans that flowed smoothly. I cannot recall feeling stressed out about my wedding or overwhelmed. Our friends came through for us in an amazing way and gave of themselves and of their monies generously. We are also simple people with non-fussy parents so no wedding controversies or wars were experienced except for part of the extended family on my side that boycotted some of my events but that was not a noticeable or impactful mishap. We did our own thing and had our wedding in April 2015, yes, it was less than 2 years from when we started dating. If you’ve been married, you will appreciate how remarkable it is to date, do introductions and a wedding within 21 months.

Right before the wedding, I got another opportunity to improve my career to my current employer. I remember feeling a bit confused because I had not even finished my probation, I didn’t feel like I had made any impact at Nestle. I however wondered why we ask God to bless us if when he does, we are not ready to accept. As hard as it was to move from fast moving consumer goods and into Agriculture, I decided to say yes to the opportunity.  God does show up in this year of his unlimited favour.

I feel blessed,
– I spent so many years dating only to find the right person so suddenly, effortlessly and got married really quick.
– In my career as God has multiplied my success to more than I had even imagined 2 years ago. A lot of people do not get the opportunities I have gotten. I attribute this to the faithfulness I now have with what he has given me.
– I am at peace with myself and with those around me, I am what you would call a happy person.
– I have overcome the hurts that I endured in my past. The things that were taken from me and the things that were done deliberately to hurt me. I have overcome.

– I feel more dreams, forgotten ones, stirring within me, to write, to farm, to run a business, to sing…the list is endless and I am not afraid.

I don’t know what the future holds but I know it will only get better as God continues to bless me.

Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

When my ribs cracked on impact
as blood oozed from my lips
and my heart strained to beat

Where were you?

When i lay gasping on the street
As cars whooshed past my body
and my heart stopped beating

Where were you

When i took my last breath
as i prayed in utter disbelief
and my sould left my body

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

We were just marvelling at how women are socialised to view virginity as this great gift that they preserve to bestow upon a worthy candidate of their choosing. As women, we often forget that sex is meant for our pleasure as well and therefore we should be selective when mating but the basis of selection should be primarily for ourselves and all other considerations should be secondary. Purity is important but the reason for being pure should be more about you than “saving yourself for someone”.

The thing is, and pardon my bluntness, the breaking of virginity is not a fun task for either of the parties involved. It is oftentimes uncomfortable and disappointing for the lady and i would venture to think that the man also finds it uncomfortable. I have even heard of men who will not date virgins because they have an unrealistic expectation of sex and wear their virginity as a badge of honour. 

The phrase “it is a mans world” is often over-used yet little understood. Why would you save your virginity for someone? Doesn’t it make more sense to save it for yourself and choose the moment to break it when you will be in a position to open yourself to enjoy the experience? Isn’t this what men do? You see, for many of my friends, including myself, virginity is not something we planned to do away with, we just happened to be in a relationship and somehow, one thing led to another and the cherry was popped. Most often, the experience was a let down compared to the many years of “cherishing it” that had been put in place. The preceding sexual experiences also would be disappointing as the effort needed to take a lady to orgasm needs a man who is able to put her pleasure ahead of his own.

I put it to you that this should not be the case.  If you are a virgin, you need to look at every suitor as a potential employer and sex as the potential job. Before you go for an interview, don’t you research the potential employer? Don’t you gauge the ability of the employer to match your career aspirations? Don’t you consider the offer and whether or not it can satisfy your needs? Why then would you bestow your virginity to someone only to end in disappointment?

Consider your mate; How does he kiss? How does he caress? Do you have an emotional connection? How are his foreplay skills? Is he patient with you? Is he able to give you a non-intercourse orgasm? My opinion is that all those answers should be positive. Whatever is negative should be corrected before you get to sex.Then consider yourself; what do you want out of the experience? Are you emotionally ready? Will you regret it? Do you have protection? Are you ready to do the work in pleasing him? Remember that sex is a give and take, you can’t just lay there and receive all the time!

Weigh all those questions and only when you are satisfied that you will have a pleasant stress free experience, should you go ahead with it. Remember that your virginity is for you. It does not make the sexual experience sweeter just because you’re a virgin and he most probably will not appreciate the immensity of the sacrifice you think you have made for him. The pleasure of the experience will be determined by the connection you have and the effort you both put into it.

If you are a virgin considering sex, please consider the potential of your mate to please you first before (like many ladies before you) you put his pleasure ahead of yours.

Many times we get into the habit of trying to change the little things we do not like about our partners instead of just accepting them and loving them as they are. If they have a job you don’t find ambitious, you try to push them to do more, to get a masters, to buy you flowers on your anniversary or birthday, to come home early instead of hanging with the boys or working too hard, to let you watch your soap instead of football, to clear dishes after they eat. When i really think about it, that kind of behaviour has always led to an argument and a series of unhappiness because no one person can fulfill all the little things that can make you happy and you only succeed in making them feel inadequate.

The thing is, if you are in a relationship starting with respect, with little or no selfishness and with a future in mind, it is imperative that you let go of these little things that are not done to hurt you but merely arise because people are different. The same way you have things about him that you would change, is the same way that there are things about you he could change if he really thought about it, perhaps he would like to eat your chapatis 3 times a week, perhaps he wishes you would go hang out with your friends more often, if you need to see your relatives then why do you need him to go with you? or maybe he resents that you don’t strive to get a better job,why do you drive so slow? maybe he likes you to wear shorter figure hugging dresses. If you open the door to selfishness, then it should swing both ways so that both of you compromise. 

I have been pondering why my relationship is so peaceful. Even as a single person, i was not that peaceful on my own but then it occurred to me that its because he lets me be and i do the same. For instance, i like to sleep in, while he rises at the crack of dawn, he does not transfer his expectations to me and instead just lets me sleep in and makes us both breakfast. I don’t need to eat dinner at night but his metabolism is different and therefore i make sure he gets fed. I rub his temple if he has a headache and he cuddles me endlessly as i require it. We just simply let each other be who they are and in turn, we get loads of peace and no arguments. These are just a few examples.

Overall, i have learnt that you get the best out of a person if you do unto them as you would have them do unto you. If you respect their choices and their individualism and appreciate each others’ differences. As a result of doing this, giving to each other becomes easy, and spending time together becomes desirable. You learn to do away with resentment and truly focus on the good things about each other. If you want him to buy you gifts, get him a few gifts yourself. If you want to watch your soap in peace, give him his sports space. If you want him to pay for everything, do all the chores and don’t complain. Healthy relationships survive on give and take.

This week, purpose to let your spouse or your friends just be. Don’t try to improve them but instead focus on their positives and note just how much more you get in return.

Romans 2:1 You, therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things.

Last year, 3 women I know had miscarriages. This is a large number of people considering that this covers only colleagues and close friends. They did this in the first trimester and apparently it is quite common for this to happen at that time for no truly explicable reason.

I watched the excitement of knowing that they were about to bring forth a life grow almost as soon as they discovered that they were expectant. Suddenly, life was about “me and my baby”. Where would they live? Would the father be involved? Would it be a boy or girl and even as far as the kind of school they would attend. I watched my friend resolve to raise her child. I saw the pride in her eyes and the anticipation to be a mother. Then suddenly, it was no more. In its place was a hollowness and the question- WHY?

She often wondered if there was anything she could have done differently, something she could have eaten, work stress she could have ignored. My other friend wondered how she would tell the excited would be father as it was hard enough dealing with her own grief. There was nothing I could say or do that could bring any relief to them. I think for a baby lost this way, we never truly appreciate the kind of trauma that the lady goes through, its only when one day she says “my baby would be two years old by now” that you realise just how much pain she has been carrying. 

So today, I will endeavor to borrow education from other sources and shed some light on miscarriages in the 1^st trimester to psychologically prepare myself since I am yet to be pregnant and also so you know in case this should one day happen to you.

Why Do Miscarriages Occur?

The reason for miscarriage is varied, and most often the cause cannot be identified. During the first trimester, the most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality – meaning that something is not correct with the baby’s chromosomes. Most chromosomal abnormalities are the cause of a damaged egg or sperm cell, or are due to a problem at the time that the zygote
 went through the division process. Other causes for miscarriage include (but are not limited to):

• Hormonal problems, infections or maternal health problems
• Lifestyle (i.e. smoking, drug use, malnutrition, excessive caffeine and exposure to radiation or toxic substances)
• Implantation of the egg into the uterine lining does not occur properly
• Maternal age
• Maternal trauma

Factors that are not proven to cause miscarriage are sex, working outside the home (unless in a harmful environment) or moderate exercise.

What Are The Chances Of Having A Miscarriage?

For women in their childbearing years, the chances of having a miscarriage can range from 10-25%, and in most healthy women the average is about a 15-20% chance.

• An increase in maternal age affects the chances of miscarriage
• Women under the age of 35 yrs old have about a 15% chance of miscarriage
• Women who are 35-45 yrs old have a 20-35% chance of miscarriage
• Women over the age of 45 can have up to a 50% chance of miscarriage
• A woman who has had a previous miscarriage has a 25% chance of having another (only a slightly elevated risk than for someone who has not had a previous miscarriage)

What Are The Warning Signs Of Miscarriage:

If you experience any or all of these symptoms, it is important to contact your health care provider or a medical facility
to evaluate if you could be having a miscarriage:

• Mild to severe back pain (often worse than normal menstrual cramps)
• Weight loss
• White-pink mucus
• True contractions (very painful happening every 5-20 minutes)
• Brown or bright red bleeding with or without cramps (20-30% of all pregnancies can experience some bleeding in early pregnancy, with about 50% of those resulting in normal pregnancies)
• Tissue with clot like material passing from the vagina
• Sudden decrease in signs of pregnancy

please visit http://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html to read the complete article.

http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/pregnancy-miscarriage