The cost of silence

I dared not tell anyone what you did. Instead for the first time, i drank myself silly and cried myself to sleep. My friends and roommates thought that it was the side effect of the alcohol but i dared not tell them what you had taken from me by force. I felt partly responsible, guilty, ashamed and dirty…Maybe by having a crush on you i was partly responsible…Maybe by flirting with you i had invited it, but you knew my stand and that is why you opted for the forceful approach. For 3 years our classmates didn’t know the kind of animal they befriended for i opted to stay silent in my cowardice.

Its hard to believe that you walked into Block E, room 14, locked the door and accosted me right there in my own venue. Then you proceeded to walk out casually like nothing happened. It is difficult to understand what can propel a man to behave in such a manner. Especially a man who could have a way with the ladies without resorting to such. It is not for me to explain your actions.

I know that such behaviour repeats and i carry the weight of remorse for whoever else you may have assaulted afterward for i kept silent and gave you the power to continue. As i take a new path of forgiveness, i relinquish the hold you had on to me and i release you to God. May he heal you and your victims and may he shake you up in a manner that forces you to stop and reconcile the person you are to him.

15 years later and i am still whole, i am still standing, you did not break me.

Isaiah 54:17 “No weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”