Many times we get into the habit of trying to change the little things we do not like about our partners instead of just accepting them and loving them as they are. If they have a job you don’t find ambitious, you try to push them to do more, to get a masters, to buy you flowers on your anniversary or birthday, to come home early instead of hanging with the boys or working too hard, to let you watch your soap instead of football, to clear dishes after they eat. When i really think about it, that kind of behaviour has always led to an argument and a series of unhappiness because no one person can fulfill all the little things that can make you happy and you only succeed in making them feel inadequate.
The thing is, if you are in a relationship starting with respect, with little or no selfishness and with a future in mind, it is imperative that you let go of these little things that are not done to hurt you but merely arise because people are different. The same way you have things about him that you would change, is the same way that there are things about you he could change if he really thought about it, perhaps he would like to eat your chapatis 3 times a week, perhaps he wishes you would go hang out with your friends more often, if you need to see your relatives then why do you need him to go with you? or maybe he resents that you don’t strive to get a better job,why do you drive so slow? maybe he likes you to wear shorter figure hugging dresses. If you open the door to selfishness, then it should swing both ways so that both of you compromise. 
I have been pondering why my relationship is so peaceful. Even as a single person, i was not that peaceful on my own but then it occurred to me that its because he lets me be and i do the same. For instance, i like to sleep in, while he rises at the crack of dawn, he does not transfer his expectations to me and instead just lets me sleep in and makes us both breakfast. I don’t need to eat dinner at night but his metabolism is different and therefore i make sure he gets fed. I rub his temple if he has a headache and he cuddles me endlessly as i require it. We just simply let each other be who they are and in turn, we get loads of peace and no arguments. These are just a few examples.
Overall, i have learnt that you get the best out of a person if you do unto them as you would have them do unto you. If you respect their choices and their individualism and appreciate each others’ differences. As a result of doing this, giving to each other becomes easy, and spending time together becomes desirable. You learn to do away with resentment and truly focus on the good things about each other. If you want him to buy you gifts, get him a few gifts yourself. If you want to watch your soap in peace, give him his sports space. If you want him to pay for everything, do all the chores and don’t complain. Healthy relationships survive on give and take.
This week, purpose to let your spouse or your friends just be. Don’t try to improve them but instead focus on their positives and note just how much more you get in return.
Romans 2:1 You, therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things.
Megs' 