Month: September 2012

I think of you and it contracts fast
Days like this,it will be quite hard
I think of you, willing myself to call
its hard, i know i shan’t, can’t, won’t
I fantasize and take in deep breaths
sweat, skin, hands, motion, all raw
I take in deep breaths, steel myself
days like these, temptation beckons.

I want to be kissed, to feel tender lips touch mine
inhale deeply as i abosrb the sentation, my heart beats
I want to be kissed, gentle lips carressing mine softly
I close my eyes, you hold me close and i am pleasure lost
I want to be kissed, lips parting mine, light tongue touch
moan ever so telling, touch my face, slight tremor, weak
I want to be kissed, my knees buckle, encased in you
mind blank, body flushed, endless moans, and only us.

I posted this in January, and here i find myself in the exact situation so i’ll just re-post.

I’m always drawn to you. It doesn’t seem to matter how much time passes, or what nonsense we put each other through. There is a force inside me that is all about you.

People always carelessly say that time heals all wounds but sometimes this is just a cop-out so that they don’t have to make the tough decisions for today. I should know, i am a master of running. The trouble is that not all wounds are meant to heal, some wounds are meant to be overcome and the scarring over time becomes a pleasant reminder of how much we overcame to be where we are. We did not run with the time excuse.

You see, sometimes someone leaves an imprint on you that time simply cannot erase. It doesn’t mean that you will not be happy, it just means that you always know that it could have been better.

People always also say that “you should learn from the mistakes of others”. trouble is that no one is perfect, and unfortunately some of us take time to mature in some areas. The painful lessons that we learn from experience, are usually the ones we are least likely to repeat and the ones that shape who we become. They are the most likely to help us extremely appreciate the blessings that we have and cling to them with our lives.

So as i acknowledge how much i am drawn to you, i also acknowledge that you may be one of those wounds that was never meant to heal and i do hope that the “time heal all wounds” cliche will at least prove to be true in my case for i do not appreciate a lifetime of thinking that it could have been better.

Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that i don’t wallow for long. Am just not built that way. Long ago, while growing up, i learnt to accept that there are crappy things in life that i can do nothing about. The past is one such thing.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, that’s for sure but i prefer to think that the lesson learnt from those mistakes was by far more valuable than the cost of the mistake. I usually like to say that i’ll try anything at least once, and sure enough, this hasn’t failed me generally, there is always the one exception though, hence my regret.

You see, time shows you the good and the bad and it opens you to so many lives. I have learnt that people can be very very deceptive and all you can do is guard your heart and get to know them before you end up hurt. Even the people who seem really nice, can have very vile intentions or shocking secrets. It is with this knowledge that i regret a time in my past, out of naivety, immaturity and sheer foolishness, when i was such a person.

No one deserves that kind of hurt, no one deserves to be deceived, let alone a really good person with the best of intentions and the highest trust. Am not one for wallowing or living in my past but truth be told, i am  haunted. You see, i like to believe that am a really nice person, i do, and i guess i am. I also like to believe that am an honest person, and i guess am that too. More recently, am also a wiser person and it is with this growing wisdom that i regret.

There is no sorry that can ever be enough, nothing i can do that would bring any reprieve. I pray, i pray that you will be happy. I pray that the scar is healed and as i pray, i dream, and in my dreams, you have bounty and you are blessed and i hope that it comes to pass that such a fate should be yours. I pray that i shall never again be the kind of deceitful, selfish person that i was then and that naivety, foolishness and immaturity of that nature shall never again be mine. I pray that regret will eventually leave my side and if it doesn’t, then i pray that it will always steer me in the right direction.