The beast in me

I look at this thing that beats in me in disbelief
the betrayal caused cannot beget forgiveness
treacherous instrument that gives unrestrained
to he, he that has proved unattainable in time
he that has proved unpredictable,uncontrollable

Treacherous unforgiveable little nightmare here
What shall become of me now?What future now?
to be roped to one so fulfilled, he with seeds
to be roped to one so tried, he with the hurts
to be roped to one so reluctant, he with caution

This thing that beats in me defies minds reason
Tis mere advice the brain cells conclude, ignored.
This thing that beats always, calls for him only
This thing wants his touch, kisses and even love
This thing even secretly, stupidly wants his child

Woooooi, aagh! what shall become of me now?
for this betrayal is too heavy with sentimentality,
I fear i posses no willpower strong enough to alter
This beast shan’t be overcome by my mere might
Beating merrily, i stare at it in disbelief dismayed.