I miss him

I miss him, and not in a casual friendly way, i mean i really miss him. There’s a space where he used to be and no amount of movies or studying can fill it. Its not a conscious continuous state of feeling. It fleets in and out on numerous occasions. I had often taken for granted the kind of impact a person can leave in your life. Its silly really in a cliché sort of way “you don’t miss your water till the well runs dry”.

I miss him when am cooking, he used to inspire it.

I miss him when i can’t sleep, his arms used to sedate me.

I miss him when I’m watching a good movie, he had a good appreciation for them.

I miss him when I have an IT problem, he would usually have a solution.

I miss him when I think of taking a holiday, he still fits in that picture.

I miss him when am feeling randy, he was obliging.

I miss him when am scared, he had that steady inner strength

I even miss the roasted chicken we used to have, smiling at me as we ate

I miss the simplicity of him and the lack of pretense

I even miss his brilliance at work.

Time has a way of bringing perspective into someones life. A sort of balance when you look back such that you are not transfixed to a single feeling. An acceptance of what is and what has been. A clear picture of all your stupid mistakes and all the clever choices. Everything comes together in one mesh of memories but the future always remains uncertain.